Read through the following paragraph. Identify what needs changing, replacing or adding so that the paragraph makes sense. Edit the paragraph in the second box so that it makes sense to the reader. There are two paragraphs exactly the same so your audience can see what you have changed.
Original
when it was our last day camping out in the bush my friends and i discovered that there was a bush that was really rare because there wasn’t that much bushes around because it was actually a huge forest it looked so amazing it had the smell of chocolate and strawberries on the outside it looked just like a stinky old bush
|
Change this paragraph
When it was our last day camping out in the Bush my friends and I discovered that there was a Bush that was really rare. The Bush Didn't have much bushes around because it was actually a huge forest it looked so amazing! It had the smell of chocolate and strawberries on the outside, but it just looked like a stinky old bush.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment